I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
