Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
