my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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