Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
