I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
