Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
