I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
