Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bring me that man meat
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize