If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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