fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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