i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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