Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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