You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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