Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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