Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
