I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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