I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize