So drunk its hurt
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my being single is dangerous.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
