we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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