I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
