after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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