I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
