i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
