I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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