I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
