Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
