Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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