he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
