There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
