Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
