the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I lost the right to judge tonight
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
