You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
