i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize