He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize