Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
