May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
