bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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