I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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