i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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