im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
