Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
