She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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