After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
