I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
