you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
