He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize