i love accidental penises.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
