I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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