I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
