Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
