Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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