My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Operation Purity has been aborted
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
