I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
