just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
