saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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