Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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