He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
