I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
