I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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