my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
