Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
