U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
