He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
