I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
