i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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