So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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