he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
