I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
