i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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