OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
