He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
