Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize